Environmentalists don’t make me particularly angry; I used to be one, in second grade. I wrote a report about endangered species and concluded that a) poachers should be tortured and hung and b) human beings are wicked and dirty. I cruised to an easy A.
Then a hippie exploded my naive environmentalism. On an 8th grade field trip, a creepy bandana-wearing “guide” screamed at my classmate for dumping water on the ground and “killing defenseless microorganisms” (I assume he regards unborn babies as useless balls of cells at best, future polluters at worst). Then and there I realized that while nature deserves some protection and even a degree of reverence, environmentalists are absolutely mental.
It was time to question the narrative I’d been fed and come up with some rhetorical lines of attack. The four categories below represent fundamental problems with environmentalist dogma: moral contradictions, false scientific certainty, irrational interventionism, and violations of common sense.
1) How do jet-setting celebrities (and Bill Nye) reconcile their regular carbon emissions with the golden rule/categorical imperative?
2) How is global warming legislation moral (in the Rawlsian sense) when it hurts poor nations the most?
3) How many dolphins are morally equivalent to one human baby – put another way, how many would you sacrifice to save your child? (This one is courtesy of a friend of mine.)
4) If you love nature in all of its forms, what’s your beef with human nature?
5) If you believe the West shouldn’t impose its morality on other societies, how can you justify dictating environmental policies to Third World countries?
6) Since when does a scientific theory require the silencing of opposition?
7) Why have the elites decided to fuse “climate change” with racism, sexism, inequality, etc. like some kind of all-encompassing religion?
8) Why haven’t any of Al Gore’s predictions in An Inconvenient Truth come true?
9) Why hasn’t the earth warmed in two decades?
10) Why is there more ice on the polar ice caps than there was in 1979?
3) Green Statism:
11) Why is it that communist nations have historically been the most unfriendly to the environment?
12) Why do you dismiss private ownership and markets as solutions to environmental problems?
13) If capitalism destroys the environment, why do developed nations have more trees than ever?
14) How can you call yourself a progressive, when you would deny economic progress and kill tens of thousands of blue collar jobs in fracking?
15) Why does ‘global warming’ only seem to be in the news when Obama gives a speech for the UN/special interests/donors?
4) Common Sense
16) If human beings went extinct tomorrow, how long would it take for the earth to look prehistoric? (Answer: A few hundred years)
17) If I can’t get bees to stop infesting my porch, why should I worry that capitalists will succeed in transforming the earth into an unsightly pile of concrete?
18) If a factory defiles the environment, do volcanoes do the same?
19) Why use your uniquely human capacities for reason and moral disgust to condemn human civilization?
20) You call libertarians anti-social for refusing to surrender their property to the State, yet isn’t your ideology anti-human for implicitly refusing to grant humanity the right to exist?